Feature Photo Credit: Steve Jurvetson | Creative Commons Attribution |
The Drone shit is now totally out of hand. These people can’t be serious, right? Oh wait, they are, and that’s a huge part of the issue.
Here are 4 Drone Douchebags to look out for.
The Come To Reality Drone Owner
You have no idea what to do with your Drone. Basically, you buy a Drone, then its like that awkward moment when you realize all you have is a remote controlled toy plane with a camera that travels maybe 200 feet away from you so long as the wind isn’t too bad. So you end up flying the shit device above your roof, then above your neighbors roof, then maybe above a gas station roof, until you end up back at your own shitty roof for some reconnoissance. By the way, your roof is shit ugly. Nothing is worse than the let down of finding out you didn’t by the same thing used to carpet bomb Taliban motherfuckers and all you can do is video your roof. Unless your roof is a terrorist, then don’t have a Drone, you have a fun toy.
The Shitty Battery Drone Owner
Some of you need to call up the Energizer Bunny and get a fix because your Drone batteries suck balls. Like these things have less time than a fat 18 year old pimple faced virgin boy banging a supermodel. What’s the point of a 3 minute battery? Like it takes me 3 minutes just to figure out where the fuck I’m going to walk when I enter the mall, much less where I will fly a remote controlled Douche machine. Most of these videos are like of Drones scaling the wall of a building no one cares about, then coming back down to be greeted by some Drone douche in full on old man’s softball league sprint to nab it before the nobody that wants it tries to not steal it. If you are going to annoy the piss out of us with these things, at least get one that can go somewhere cool, like the backroom of a titty bar. Until then, burn your Drone. Maybe porn studios should start shooting with shitty Drones, shorten that shit right up, get rid of the silly ass plots. Just go with a solid 1 minute experience the shitty Drone constrains the plot to. That would make sense. Your roof for 30 seconds is fucking stupid, why would I want to watch that?
The “I Think Drones Will Change The World” Drone Douchebag
I know, you saw that big special report from Amazon saying they were going to start delivering shit using Drones. And you got all excited and even posted the link on Facebook saying something like “Drones are the future they are fantastic the world has changed.” But this was just a big bullshit ad for Amazon, they never really intend to deliver any shit using a Drone. Have some common sense you fucks. They were pulling your Drone propellers, they were fucking with you. Do you think you are going to wake up one day to a world where there are a load of Drones flying around carrying bars of soap and Disney Princess Elsa dolls? Does that seem like reality to you?
“knock knock”
“Who’s there?”
“It’s Amadrone. I have your dishwashing soap.”
Fucking shit. That’s not going to happen.
The Protest Drone Laws Douchebag
Of all the things in the world you can get fired up over, you choose stopping the government or FAA from intervening with your Drone usage. Well guess what, I don’t want you fucking with my plane flights. I like to fly to Vegas twice a year to take in the gorgeous resorts, hip shows and then drink a shitload of booze and bang a prostitute wearing a blindfold as she uses a feather tickler on me. If the pilot ever comes on and says “air traffic control has spotted a drone, we are delayed indefinitely,” I will destroy you. I really don’t get why planes have to dodge these shit ball things, I mean I would think these former Air Force badass-don’t give a shit-pilots would ram through these fucking things, but they don’t. So fuck you and your Drone. Some of us have places to be not named long term parking with my remote controlled Drone.
